If you expect to get $10 and get $100, you feel great. If you expect to get $100 and get $10, you feel disappointed. Your expectation changes your satisfaction. An average experience preceded by high expectations is a disappointment. An average experience preceded by low expectations is a delight. When liking and wanting are approximately the same, you feel satisfied. – James Clear, Atomic Habits
Saturday Night at the Movies
Elizabeth and I have long enjoyed watching a good movie or episode of a good TV series together on Saturday nights. As the mix of movies released in theaters has shifted to cater to younger demographics, we find ourselves catching up with more movies at home. Our library offers two streaming services, Kanopy and hoopla, and a great selection of DVDs and Blu-ray discs.
When Elizabeth and her hiking buddies took off for a four-day weekend, I was faced with the prospect of selecting a movie to watch on my own.
What to Watch?
The main criterion for choosing a movie to watch on my own is selecting something that we wouldn’t enjoy watching together. This usually means finding something where our tastes diverge or watching a movie again.
For my last solo movie night, I selected Ruben Östlund’s Swedish satire of the modern art world: The Square. I loved it but told myself that it might be too unsettling for Elizabeth. Except, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she might actually love it too. We ended up watching it together the following Saturday!
Encore Viewing
This time, I thought that a repeat viewing might be safer. Waiting for Guffman had been in my queue for a long time, also The Great Escape, one of my go-to nostalgia picks. But when I looked for them in my watch lists, I discovered that they had been rotated out of the service in favor of other titles.
I still had plenty of choices, but thought I would check what was new on hoopla just to make sure I wasn’t missing anything.
Bingo. One of the movies of the month was Carol.
Both Elizabeth and I had ranked it as one of our top 10 movies of the last decade. Its performances, production design, cinematography, score, and direction all come together to cast a kind of spell. As soon as I saw the poster, I was in the mood to watch it again.
But when I clicked the movies of the month link, every title was there except Carol.
I thought there must be some mistake so I searched for the title, but no, it wasn’t that it was missing from the movies of the month page, it wasn’t available. It had been featured by mistake.
Satisfaction Algebra
In the Little Lessons from the Four Laws section of Atomic Habits, James Clear offers an equation for satisfaction.
Satisfaction = liking – wanting
In the case of The Square, I had liked it without knowing what to expect, so my wanting was low.
The equation for dissatisfaction is a little more complicated.
James Clear breaks it down into Cue > Craving (Feeling) > Response > Reward (Feeling).
Cue
The first step in any behavior is observation. You notice a cue, a bit of information, an event.
I noticed that it was Saturday night.
Craving
A craving is created when you assign meaning to a cue. Your brain constructs an emotion or feeling to describe your current situation, and that means a craving can only occur after you have noticed an opportunity.
We seek the image of pleasure that we generate in our minds. At the time of action, we do not know what it will be like to attain that image (or even if it will satisfy us). The feeling of satisfaction only comes afterward.
The source of all suffering is the desire for a change in state. This is also the source of all progress. With craving, we are dissatisfied but driven. Without craving, we are satisfied but lack ambition.
I assigned the meaning of watching a movie to the cue of Saturday night, either something Elizabeth wouldn’t like or an encore viewing of one she might like.
Response
Every decision is an emotional decision at some level. The primary mode of the brain is to feel; the secondary mode is to think. Our first response—the fast, nonconscious portion of the brain—is optimized for feeling and anticipating. Our second response—the slow, conscious portion of the brain—is the part that does the “thinking.” This works great when the two are aligned, but it results in illogical and emotional thinking when they are not. To approach a situation from a more neutral emotional position allows you to base your response on the data rather than the emotion.
When you observe a cue, but do not desire to change your state, you are content with the current situation. Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.
The absence of Waiting for Guffman and The Great Escape from my watch lists prompted me to desire a change of state and see what additional choices might be available on hoopla.
Reward
The gap between our cravings and our rewards determines how satisfied we feel after taking action. If the mismatch between expectations and outcomes is positive (surprise and delight), then we are more likely to repeat a behavior in the future. If the mismatch is negative (disappointment and frustration), then we are less likely to do so.
Satisfaction = Liking – Wanting
This is the wisdom behind Seneca’s famous quote, “Being poor is not having too little, it is wanting more.” If your wants outpace your likes, you’ll always be unsatisfied. You’re perpetually putting more weight on the problem than the solution.
It wasn’t the absence of Carol from hoopla that frustrated me. It was my momentary expectation that it was available.
Getting Satisfaction Exercise
If the equation Satisfaction = Liking – Wanting is accurate, the variable I might be able to train myself to work with is Wanting.
Set a timer for 10 minutes.
1. Choose a recent situation when your response did not deliver the anticipated reward.
Cue:
2. What was the bit of information or event that you observed?
I noticed that it was Saturday night.
Craving:
3. What meaning did you assign to the cue?
I assigned the meaning of watching a movie, either something Elizabeth wouldn’t like or an encore viewing of one she might like.
4. What change of state did you desire?
Being entertained while hanging out with the cat.
Response:
5. What was your response?
Checking for additional movie options on hoopla.
Reward:
6. How did the reward diverge from the craving?
It wasn’t the absence of Carol from hoopla that frustrated me. It was my momentary expectation that it was there.
Get Curious about Craving
“To approach a situation from a more neutral emotional position allows you to base your response on the data rather than the emotion.”
7. Name a different meaning you could assign the cue that doesn’t come with expectations?
It’s an opportunity to try something I normally don’t do on Saturday night.
9. What would a corresponding response be?
Listen to more of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde audiobook read by Roger Rees that I had started.
10. What would your response be if no change of state were desired?
Hanging out with the cat undistracted by entertainment.
