Calming the Lizard
If there’s a sense of fight, flight, or freeze in the body. Calm the lizard.
The military trains in a box breathing technique to calm the lizard brain in times of actual physical danger.
Breathe in through the nose while slowly counting to four. Hold the breath for a slow count of four. Exhale for a slow count of four. Pause for a count of four. Repeat at least three times or until the lizard is calm.
Tip: it’s important to habituate this in a controlled setting because the first thing lizard brain shuts down in the wild is your ability to remember this technique.
Here’s the military strength version for more detail.
Feeding the Mouse
If craving is present, feed the mouse.
When a healthy craving arises, such as a craving for food when you’re hungry, exercise, generosity, or friendly social interaction, think of a small, practical step you can take to fulfill it before returning your attention to the breath.
When unhealthy cravings arise for things that merely distract us without satisfying us, like substance abuse, junk food, or the latest, coolest shiniest thing. Instead of feeding it, go SURFing instead.
See what’s happening. Notice how and where your body responds when you imagine the thing you crave.
Understand whether this craving is a skillful means to satisfy your current emotion or a convenient substitute. (Cigarette smoking relieves stress, but so does box breathing. Prescription pain killers can dull emotional pain, but so can group aerobic exercise.)
Relax around it. Take some slow, deep breaths and be aware of the changing bodily sensations without giving in to them or trying to push them away.
Find a little freedom. Use the knowledge you gain from the above steps to choose the most skillful way to feed your mouse.
Hugging the Monkey
If social anxiety is present. Hug the monkey.
Place your flat palm over your heart. This activates the mammalian (monkey brain) care-giving system. People often do this automatically when someone shares news of a personal hardship with them.
Give yourself a hug and slowly stroke your hands on your arms.
For more self-soothing touch, this video has some tips.
And Kristen Neff has other ideas for practicing self-compassion.
