Previously on The Upside of Flakiness…At the last Toastmasters meeting, Jim asked me why I hadn’t reinstated my membership.
A much more interesting question would have been why do I come at all?
Thank you Table Topics master, Toastmasters, and fellow guests.
Let me take you back to a Friday night when I was 26 years old. For those of you who weren’t born yet, this should be incredibly relaxing.
Photo by RACOOL from Freerange Stock
It was the eve of my first reading as a member of Chicago Dramatists Workshop, a farce about a soldier of fortune hiding out at his ex-girlfriend’s apartment called Escalators. At 8:06 P.M. I got a call from my director who told me he couldn’t field a cast and we’d have to cancel Saturday’s reading.
I had invited a lot of people from work, and I didn’t have their home numbers, but the first friend I called was so disappointed she asked whether we could get volunteers and read the play ourselves.
I called the director back, uncancelled the show, and called another director to inform him I was going to do a cold read.
The next afternoon, the reading went on as scheduled. The new director had fielded a cast who did an excellent job. The audience had a great time watching this tightrope act. It seemed that I was the only one miserable.
This seat-of-your-pants production was an exciting challenge for the director, the actors, and the audience. The only thing that I missed out on was the audience feedback, which was all about the quirks of the performance, not the underlying show. The only thing that I missed out on was the ability to improve the play.
Now, if any of this sounds familiar, it’s my experience with virtually every meeting I attend here. So why am I not miserable?
As a non-member, I can sit back and enjoy the chaos. Speakers didn’t sign up/show up? No problem. Evaluators don’t sign up/show up? No problem. Toastmaster who signed up didn’t fill the roles/didn’t show up? No problem. No candidates for officer elections? No problem. Best potential speakers get frustrated and leave? No problem.
By not being a member and not signing up for roles, I get to devote all my attention to enjoying the people and the show. Investing ourselves in fewer things frees us to focus more on the things that really matter while still enjoying the things that don’t.
The Downside of Flakiness
According to a Psychology Today article, flakiness is the combination of two personality traits, lack of conscientiousness + procrastination.
These traits tend to erode trust. They also make it difficult to solve problems. On the other hand…
And even further East: “Happiness belongs to no-one but that supremely lazy man for whom even opening and closing his eyes is a bother.”– from the Ashtavakra Gita
The upside of flakiness is that:
Reality is Unpredictable
Unpredictability is the Spice of Life
We Can Set Our Boundaries in Accordance with that Reality
Reality is Unpredictable
When I got up to introduce myself at the May 1, 2023 Toastmasters meeting, I noticed that two people I hadn’t seen in person since the pre-COVID days, Teresa and Jeff were there. Teresa was there because Ray had badgered her into doing a speech because no one had signed up. Teresa had enlisted her friend Jeff as last-minute moral support.
I said, “I’m here because this is the first time I’ve seen Teresa and Jeff in over three years.
I sometimes look at my calendar as though it’s a remote control for how I’ll spend my week. Flakiness reminds me that just because I plan something doesn’t mean it will happen.
Unpredictability is the Spice of Life
The other day we ran into one of Elizabeth’s hiking buddies while walking to the library. “See you on Monday,” said Elizabeth, referring to a trip to the Dalles they’d both signed up for.
She slapped her forehead. “Is that trip on Monday? I knew there was something going on. I’m doing a training hike on Mount Defiance next Monday. I’m doing Mt. St. Helen’s on May 15.”
She told us more about the training she’d done so far and it was impressive.
The complications that arise from flaky behavior often result in colorful adventures. Many advances in both the arts and sciences happened by accident. The only one that comes to mind at the moment is the collision between chocolate and peanut butter that led to the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but I know there are others.
We Can Set Our Boundaries in Accordance with that Reality
I’m writing this bit of the post after voting in a local election. The initiative with the most pros and cons was a measure to impose a 0.75% tax on capital gains to fund legal representation for tenants facing eviction.
The intentions behind the initiative were noble. Evictions often lead to homelessness with both human and economic consequences.
Ultimately, it was the flakiness of the initiative (over half the money raised would be spent in administrating its collection, there were no exemptions for senior citizens accessing their retirement accounts or selling their homes, etc., there were better-funded programs addressing the exact same problem already in place) that made my decision easy.
When I set up a Zoom call to talk about flakiness, I knew there was a likelihood that no one would show up, so I made a Plan-B in advance that would be equally satisfying.
I used to get upset with people when I bought non-refundable tickets to a show or concert and someone’s late cancellation sent me into a flurry of activity to compensate for their flakiness. Only recently have I learned not to ask something of a flaky person that would impact my sense of integrity.
Exercise
Name a time when someone’s flakiness (maybe your own) led to an unpredictable outcome, an unexpected adventure, or led you to set an important boundary in your life.
Example: This post fell into my lap when I read Sam’s post about dealing with flakes, helped me get ahead of schedule, and allowed me to focus on next week’s rollout of The Well-Being Toolbox: Contributing to Our Communities
