Category: depression symptoms

After I notice a stressful feeling.

I will acknowledge that “I think I notice I’m feeling (name the emotion).” 

Then I will celebrate.

This opens us up to curiosity in finding other solutions if the first one doesn’t work.

Questioning My Concepts

If my concepts were all responses to an external reality, stimulus-response, I would have no opportunity but to dutifully execute my emotions and actions in reaction to my environment.

But if I am co-creating my reality in collaboration with my internal feelings stimulus-feeling-perception-concept-plan-response, then I can pause to question my concepts. I can sit with mixed feelings knowing that they’re just that, fact-check bad data, or seek out more information before I respond.

The Liberation Factor

In bringing the Invisibilia episode on emotions to a close, Hanna Rosin concluded, “And you know what? If we make these concepts, we can unmake them. But even if we don’t choose to do that, even if we decide to build the world just exactly as we’ve built it down to the very last brick, there in the back of our heads when we experience something that disturbs us can hover a liberating thought – this feeling I have, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is nothing inevitable about the world that is.”

And emotion researcher Lisa Feldman Barrett added, “You have more control over your own experience. You become more the architect of your own experience.”

Try the Tool

Thinking of ways you might cope when these different forms of stress arise allows you to quickly employ them when they do. Remember, they kick in before you get a chance to think, so knowing what you’ll do before-hand helps a lot.

After I identify an animal need.

I will try ways to __________________________.

Practice longer exhales, laugh it off, do a quick aerobic workout, apply logic, or try another technique that helps you regain calm.

Reassure yourself that you have enough of whatever it is you think you need for the present moment. You can always go in search of more later.

Literally or figuratively seek out a hug, place your hand on your heart, call a friend or loved one. Explore what works when your monkey needs a hug.

Then I will celebrate.

Calming the Lizard

If there’s a sense of fight, flight, or freeze in the body. Calm the lizard.

The military trains in a box breathing technique to calm the lizard brain in times of actual physical danger.   

Breathe in through the nose while slowly counting to four. Hold the breath for a slow count of four. Exhale for a slow count of four. Pause for a count of four. Repeat at least three times or until the lizard is calm.

Tip: it’s important to habituate this in a controlled setting because the first thing lizard brain shuts down in the wild is your ability to remember this technique.

Here’s the military strength version for more detail.

Feeding the Mouse

If craving is present, feed the mouse.

When a healthy craving arises, such as a craving for food when you’re hungry, exercise, generosity, or friendly social interaction, think of a small, practical step you can take to fulfill it before returning your attention to the breath.

When unhealthy cravings arise for things that merely distract us without satisfying us, like substance abuse, junk food, or the latest, coolest shiniest thing. Instead of feeding it, go SURFing instead.

See what’s happening. Notice how and where your body responds when you imagine the thing you crave.

Understand whether this craving is a skillful means to satisfy your current emotion or a convenient substitute. (Cigarette smoking relieves stress, but so does box breathing. Prescription pain killers can dull emotional pain, but so can group aerobic exercise.)   

Relax around it. Take some slow, deep breaths and be aware of the changing bodily sensations without giving in to them or trying to push them away.

Find a little freedom. Use the knowledge you gain from the above steps to choose the most skillful way to feed your mouse.

Hugging the Monkey

If social anxiety is present. Hug the monkey.

Place your flat palm over your heart. This activates the mammalian (monkey brain) care-giving system. People often do this automatically when someone shares news of a personal hardship with them.

Give yourself a hug and slowly stroke your hands on your arms.

For more self-soothing touch, this video has some tips.

And Kristen Neff has other ideas for practicing self-compassion.

Try the Tool